special...
i'm rather bothered by how he made me feels, it seems like to me that i'm not someone special. i have not felt like this in ages, but this relationship with him, made me realised some things about myself too. like how i'm seeking attention for my needs, wants and feelings. though he assured me that i am special to him. in my world, action speaks louder than words. i ain't a very outspoken or verbal person, hence i tend to have more actions and more unspoken words. this is also why i tend to keep alot to myself, and at times i have so much to bear it's unbearable. my best girlfriends who know me for many years, they too, find it difficult to come into my world.

another thought that came to me was what he said to me yesterday, "in some sense, after all the failed relationships, i'm sort of protecting myself." it set me thinking, probably i should too, start to build a wall of defence for my own sake too.

on pondering thoughts...
i have also concluded i'm feeling this manner, might be because i have read too much about all his past relationships stories. it is because i read about what them, it made me realised that this relationship is different from those i have read about. it made me feel rather uncomfortable after reading about it, but yet being a curious person i choose to read on. i'm raging a jealousy strike! am i not?

reminder:
i reckon i should learn to relax and take control of my own emotions. i shouldn't allow emotions to get the better of me.
starts building a moat surrounding my world...