indeed He has his purpose for putting me through trying times in my life.
as it reads from
Romans 8:28
"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."

but i don't know how much longer i could be able to withstand these trying times. and i have been losing my faith. and i have turned away from Him. in accordance to my rebellious nature, i have becomed disobedience.

but the scriptures said in,
Matthew 11:28-30
"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for i am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

to seek Him and I will find rest.






in my vision, i'm only able to view the blacks, whites and greys on the colour palette.
i could only stand afar to admire the stunningly beautiful colours of the rainbow above you.
it's rather hard to understand how one's going through when you can't really empathise with the person. it's a lovely sight in that world of yours. but it ain't over here. it's really hard for me to step out of the shadows. if things could be done so easily as the mouth spoken, life would be alot better. trust me. time hasn't erased my sadness, my anguish, my growing pains.

thank you for your stretched out hand, but i'm no where near reaching your hand.

it all hurts so badly.





sitting here on my bed with my notebook on my lap.
the exact way i would be in when i want to chill out in the comfort of my room in perth,
except here is another different place.
i missed the nights where i'm alone in my small cosy room with my warm lighting on.
i missed the cold nights; all snuggled up under my lovely blue sheets.

maybe some of you may not understand or might even question.
i have only been away two years from here, and i come back here every semester breaks.
yet home, ain't here anymore to me.
i have learned to live away and alone in another place;
another place which i makes me feel more relax and at ease with - another home.
that is the place which i learned to appreciate more after i got back to here.

i missed my blue dice by my bedside.
the alarm would go off on it to tell me it was time to wake up for lectures.
i missed my privacy.
i missed wearing my bedroom robe.
and i left my dog poster on my sliding glass door. darned. all because i was moving out. it was my birthday gift. anyway it is okay, cos i wouldn't have it on my wall over here either.
most of all, i missed the freedom i had.

the days have past.





she lay there as she watches her surrounding turned crimson red.
laying there alone;
she watches the blood draining away slowly through the veins of her wrist.
slowly she closes her eyes;
and turns her back away from all the pain and sorrow in life.

the picture ahead now is painted in crimson red.





a sudden surge of anger began to fill me up, as i hung up the line with my father. simply because of another fuck up conversation with him. seems like it's getting harder to communicate with him. now i have told myself not to talk to him, if there isn't any need to.

you asked me why do i cry so easily? to tell you the truth, i don't enjoy crying so much either. it hurts my eyes so badly just to cry this hard. you think life is as simple as it looks, eh. well maybe it's in your world. you would also say that i choose to be like this. but have you ever thought that i was born into this family without choice. yes, i still do have my parents with me. but what good does it do when you have such a father whom you simply can't communicate with. each time whenever he opens his bloody mouth, it's always offensive to others. even to the extend my friends can't stand his bloody attitude, and i always have to end up apologising to them.

being a father doesn't mean you have always been right? it also doesn't mean you're given a right to hurt others with your word. have you ever think of what you did many years ago while i was still a foetus in the womb? no! of course, you wouldn't want to be reminded of your own guilt. hang on, i don't think you have ever feel guilt in you, eh. why would you? because you're an asshole. you're such a bastard. and i hate you ever more for causing the family to fall apart. and because you ahev so much bloody pride that you wouldn't even want to apologise what you did. you're such a coward not to admit your own mistakes. no matter how much time you have given to God every sunday, without repentance to your own sin, you're no where near heaven's door. good luck to you. ha! and you haven't even dare to seek forgiveness all these years. and i wouldn't even want to feel sorry for you, because you're not a man just a useless coward with a sinful past. you're even so afraid to let others know that you're estranged from your wife. why? all because you're prideful and it's definitely a 'face' issue. why are you afraid, when you dare to do what you did in the first place?

i'm extremely jaded from my past issues. i'm tired for now. please allow me to rest. wrath is all in my mind.

hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate





i'm finally a graduate. i went back to Oz to attend my convocation. the graduation ceremony was an opportunity to meet up with my mates again, and have our pictures snapped. the ceremony ended with fireworks above my head. it was stunning once again to see fireworks just above my head.

the job hunting begins.
seems like the job market here is picking up. *crossed fingers*
i had done my resume and have been searching online for jobs.
i'm little nervous entering the working life once again. the application process and interviews never fail to put me under anxiety. many of my friends have been telling me not to expect so much for a start, i know too myself, unlike the graduates in australia who can be paid up to 30k per annum. well it things over here doesn't look too good for me, i might even consider to work overseas given an opportunity.

today is the last day of Chinese New Year, and also claimed to be a Chinese Valentine's Day too.

i need to get a job soon to sustain my lifestyle.





since a child, i view my world as grey and gloomy. even though the sun still shines, it ain't as sunny as it seems to be. i have always envy those who see beautiful colours in their world. where have all the colours gone to?





don't humor me for the sake of it.
don't say things when you can't carry it out.
don't think everything is simple as it is.







you're right.
the best gift anyone can give to me is a family.
a house i could call a home.







finally spent some decent time with him. but he has fallen ill again. the poor boy is having fever.

i just realised that i'll be heading back to Perth this coming Sunday. my graduation is on the 15th Feb. all sorts of feelings and thoughts have started to fill me up as the day draws closer. incidents and events in the past two years come alive again in my mind.






by communicating to me the way you have always think is right, allows me to shut you up away from my world. go away, i'm not listening to you anymore.






don't make promises which you can't keep.
you'll end up giving me a false hope and disappointment.
i'll end up feeling hurt.

promises - the cranberries






i am...
cold from the appearance, which makes me look rather unapproachable. and also i don't smile as often, or should i put it that i don't have a face that "smiles".

this is me.






duration: two weeks
where: malaysia - malacca, kuala lumpur, ipoh and penang.

i took two weeks away from singapore. the trip was planned by elaine, my malaysian friend who lives in kuala lumpur. this trip i managed to meet up with a couple of my university friends and old friend in malaysia. though not of the best trips i had, it was good to meet up with friends and..... EAT!

seriously this trip made me detest malaysia even more than ever! the poor air quality and the undeniably rude malaysians are enough to convince me not to go over without any valid reasons. it's definitely one big culture shock.

the most dreadful holidays i ever had.

enough said.