ben said this to me, "think of it as war, but with the self-confidence of a warrior prepared to deal with whatever thats about to come your way. and eliminate each foe, with every objective met." when i told him that it will be another day of war for me when tomorrow comes. it feels good to just stay home on a sunday... simply doing nothing else.

it occurred to me that it has been a year since we last spoke on the phone; it was some time last when i was still in perth. and it had been 3 long years since we last met; that was our graduation day.

he is still the good ol' ben. someone who always make my phone conversations nice after talking to. at least i feel there is still someone i can look for when i need help.

we had a long conversation... all started off with me asking him for a live band performance. he noted lots of things for me to keep in mind of wanting to have a live band in a particular area. it really ain't easy to plan and organise an event. there is so much considerations to take into. at least, there is one supportive friend to say that help is on its way when you need it. at least my plight was being heard by someone. rather than someone asking what i want him to say.

sheesh!

it has been tough. work has been. still is. i am trudging my way through it. i am not asking much, just your support. at least make me feel that i can rely on you when i need to. ideally. often of times, whenever i turned to you for request or help, i got rejected or given a frustrated respond. this upsets me a lot. seriously it does. at times, i wonder to myself... why are you like that? do you have to be so oblivious towards me? and i am not comparing. it is just the way things have been and i am not happy about it.

things are not going the way i am looking forward to. ideally it was meant to be better. i do not see it anywhere near now.

ideally. not realistically.